I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
