Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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