have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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