Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
50% drunk capacity currently
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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