Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
