My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
