Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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