glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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