fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
