five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
and she was petting her beer can
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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