I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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