Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
