I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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