Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize