this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
