new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
