Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
