I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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