Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need to calm my uterus...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
