i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
