3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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