I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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