I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize
