how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
