we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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