If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
