I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
