In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We need to get me chipped asap
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
