He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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