i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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