I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
