The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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