I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
