I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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