Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
