1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
