they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
