Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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