i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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