Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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