It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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