Sober January is a disaster.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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