She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
