We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
