when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The police scanner is talking about you again....
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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