Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
