i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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