So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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