im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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