Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
