omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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