Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
