you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
