Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
