wakey wakey hands off snakey
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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