I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
