i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
