He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
