dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
