I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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