What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
