Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
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He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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