I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
