i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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