That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
